See's Me You Can't

See's Me You Can't
Originally uploaded by vczdavis

So I am going to tell you a little story, I am going to get to it in a very round about way and you will see how my brain works.

So we use Dr. Brown’s bottles. When holly was a baby we had these little two ounce ones that came with Level 1 Nipples, she had trouble with that so we got a bunch of the super slow flow preemie nipples. Eventually we upgraded to 4 ounce bottles but after about 5 months I thought to myself, she is still using preemie nipples maybe I should upgrade to level 1. We had a lot of these since all the bottles come with them and it was a pretty simply transition.

There are in fact 4 levels, and by 6 months of age she was “supposed” to be on level 3. I don’t think I even thought to put any Level 2’s into circulation until she was about 8 months old. At some point I put a 3 pack of level 3’s into the mix. But this is our system. We have about seven 4 ounce bottles and since we wanted to try and get her to drink more at a time we have another four 8 ounce bottles. Since we have more than enough to last us the day we only wash them once a day. As she uses them I line them up in the kitchen and before bed Joel washes them all and in the morning there is a tray or dry clean bottles that I can put together on demand as she gets hungry. About once a week we might run them through the dishwasher. So even though I had three level 3 nipples in the mix, in the big picture she only had about 30% chance of getting one and I didn’t really pay attention to it.

So about 2 weeks ago I noticed I had a package of level 4’s these are in fact for thicker fluids and flow very fast. Since I had read that you shouldn’t put thinker liquid or cereals in bottles I figured I wouldn’t need them so I traded them in for some more level 3’s and without thinking about it threw those into the mix.

We today Holly was being simply obstinate. She was so cranky. Last night she didn’t go to bed until after midnight and she woke up at like 2:00 am. Several times I went in to check on her as she was fussing but she was ok when I came in. I figured she would sleep late because of this but at 8:30 she was up. This was so not enough sleep, but after a bottle and a change Joel gave her to me around 9:15 and she laid in bed with me eventually to fall back asleep. I thought this was great and tried to go back to sleep myself, but since I was sick myself I felt my cough coming on and then had to use the restroom which I was nervous about since Holly was sleeping on my bed and I wasn’t sure how sound she was and basically I just tossed and turned for an hour, just when I was starting to settle and fall asleep around 10:30 she woke up.

She was still sleepy but didn’t want to lay down. She was hungry but only had a few bites of Yogurt. She wanted to play but then would fuss and cry and ask me to pick her up, but then she I did she would push my face away and want to be put back down. It seemed today nothing I could do would make her happy, and well she is typically a happy baby so I was at a loss. I tried to get her to nap so she would be rested for her PT session with Sally but she was having none of it. Finally the only thing that would distract her from her mood was Baby Einstein.

She didn’t want to play like she normally does, she just wanted to zone out. This was probably because she was still tired and didn’t get much sleep and the sleep she did get was restless and interrupted. I think she might be going through growing pains because well she is taller, I swear just last week she was shorter then the table and today when she stands herself up against the chair she is hitting her head on the bottom ledge. Maybe she is teething also but she has EIGHT teeth and she is only 10 months old, maybe her back teeth are coming in already but my goodness most babies her age I know barely have 2 teeth.

So she is content, or at least as content as she is going to get in her current mood of dissatisfaction so I decided to do some chores, no sooner do I leave the room (really about 5 minutes later as I did have a chance to cycle the laundry) does she throw a little tantrum. By tantrum I mean she has her fists held out in front of her with her arms curved like if she was making a weight builder gesture and she is grunting making her I am very mad face. I come into the room and she smiles and continues to watch Baby Einstein I go back to the kitchen and she whines at me I peak my head in and she smiles and go into her room to try and put away some cloths and she is really getting mad now and starts to cry. So I come back into the living room sit on the couch and basically have to watch her watch Baby Einstein lest she throw a tantrum. Eventually she relaxes enough that I pick her up and she sits in my lap and watches. Not long after Sally arrives.

She is no better with Sally and Sally says she is displaying 1 year old behavior. Katie indicated this too on Monday or at least said that she is displaying the beginnings of tantrum behavior and that she wants to warn me now that it will be miserable but that it is completely normal and developmentally appropriate. Sally noticed that she was saying no, and I just thought she was shaking her head but Sally said that she is actually doing the 1 year old “NO” based on her body language and other indicators and it was just a non verbal “No!” *lucky Me*

So like she had been doing all day she wanted to sit in the chair Sally brought so Sally put her in but then she doesn’t want to be sitting there and she cries and gets mad and wants down so then Sally helps her down but then she is mad about that too. She wants to play with the “eggs” Sally brought for her as indicated by crawling over to them but then when Sally hands her one and shows her how it makes a Squeak she pushes it away and throws it down. We go on like this for 30 minutes and are getting nowhere so decide to call it quits for the day and hopefully extend another session another day when she is in a better mood. And well who can blame her, she is getting over a cold, she didn’t sleep, she is uncomfortable, and we are trying to make her “work”

Shortly after Sally leaves I realize she has a big poopie diaper, which I checked twice during the session, and it smelled clean, and I changed her right before the session started, but who knows. So she seems slightly happier and I get ready to leave. We have to drive an hour down to San Jose and Back to pick up some “Pit ball” Balls over 300 for only 20$ *my craigslist deal of the week* Even with gas it is so worth the drive. So I get ready get her into the car and give her another bottle. This time she actually takes it rather than pushing it away and before I even pull away from the road she is asleep. She slept the entire way there and back – I was a lucky girl.

So we get home and it is more of the same, she is cheerful for about 30 minutes after waking up and then I try and feed her she seems hungry she hasn’t eaten for hours and she takes a few bites of yogurt but today decides she doesn’t like squash anymore. So I mix a few spoons into the yogurt and she still eats it, so in a few more spoons go and she is still ok, and she finishes that. I try to give her bananas but they seem to be off. Which is annoying, I only opened the container last night and she only had like one bite and otherwise it was in the fridge, but I guess they don’t stay good for long.

So I let her play while I set up her Pack and Play to create a fun Sensory Ball Pit. She isn’t sure what to make of it, she is intrigued and so darn adorable and she doesn’t cry but she isn’t giggling either like she does at Studio Grow, but with the mood she is in, I guess I shouldn’t expect that. So by this time I know she is hungry, she hasn’t had a bottle in 4 hours and she has only had 3 today so I make her one. She is so excited; here is the happy cheerful Holly of yonder days. But then I sit and give her the bottle and she pushes it away and gives me the face. The angry pouty I am about to cry face. I try again and she gets more made and grunts and “yells” at me as she pushes it away.

At this point I am getting to be a little anxious and Panicky. What does she want? Nothing I do is right? I can’t make her happy! I am so tired with only about 4 hours of sleep last night maybe its me, maybe I should call Joel to come home a little early from work, and in desperation I say “Holly! I don’t know what you want you have to tell me what you need!@” she points to the nipple on the bottle (ahhh do you see we are coming around now) and I am confused. She squishes it, I look at her. “Holly I don’t know what you want, you didn’t want the bottle” I try to give it to her again, she gets mad and pushes it away, and then points to the nipple with one little finger and then holds the nipple and pushes the bottle towards me. *click* do you want a different nipple? She points again, so up I go and I unscrew the top and check and see it is a Level 3 and I find a Level 2 and put it on, not ten seconds later as we walk back to the couch does she grab the bottle from my hand and starts drinking it. I sit and she is in my lap and I hold her bottle for her and she is looking up into my eyes and she is content and eating and understood.

Of course about half way through she is done and pushes it away and goes back to her unhappiness, but for that brief moment of time all was well in the world and all the fussiness was worth it, because she spoke to me and I listened and I was able to do exactly what she needed, she told me what she wanted and I heard her. How amazing is that!